


Words

by the_lie_eternal



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: First Version, Fluff, M/M, a little scrabble, difficult, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lie_eternal/pseuds/the_lie_eternal
Summary: Words don't come that easywords expose the secretwords became a lie





	

**Author's Note:**

> Another songfic to the amazing 'Words' by A Life Divided ^^

_We live somewhere_   
_in between the cycles_   
_abandoned and distained_

 

I haven't seen him since more than a week, this is how well our relationship was going. We ignored each other, again, after one of thousands of fights we had, only to meet each other after a short while to realize we still love each other, after everything that happened. Most of the time he was the one appearing in front of my door, his eyes still glassy and wet by the tears, begging for forgiveness. We hugged and kissed each other, seemingly forgetting the endless insults we already called each other, the wounds we gave each other, visible and invisible ones. It didn't matter, as long as I could feel his body close to mine.

There were days we loved each other, there were days we hated each other…even days where we wanted to see the other one dead. We went through all possible emotions in a relationship. He and I…I never thought I would ever find lover and enemy in the same person. I never knew if it was just us or a bigger force trying to keep us apart, but we were fighting against it.

  
_we betrayed all_  
_of our good disciples_  
 _got lost along the way_

 

The band did not notice our fights and problems. They knew Jaska and I were a couple, but we tried to keep them out of it. We parted our work and relationship, while being near to the guys we behaved like friends, we talked like normal people, we liked each other, nothing the others could worry about. Nothing the fans could notice. Not even on tour we lived out our love, as Poets of the Fall we continued our strong friendship, even through our difficult times. However, as soon as we were behind closed doors, we had privacy or we simply were at one of our homes we were the couple. Love, hate, pain, passion, it all happened just between us two.

  
_Words don't come that easy_

 

'I love you, Markus' my partner said as he laid in my arms, us being fight-free since a little while. I gave his head a smooch but anyway asked 'Do you really feel it or are you just saying that to make me feel better?'

He just replied with an annoyed sigh, sitting up out of my embrace.

'Jaska, please.' I put my hand on his shoulder, he pushed it down and exclaimed 'Why you can't just accept it when I say that I love you? But no, the oh so great Markus wants to start a fight again. Don't you see it? I already know this day will end in either you hurting me or me hurting you.' he gave me a hateful look.

'I don't want to start a fight, you are the one begging for it. And don't look at me like that.' I tried to stay calm but I knew him. It was already counting the seconds until the first insult gets dropped.

'I can look at you however I want, for fucks sake!' There it was. 'Our relationship was alright and we were happy and now you appear with your stupid 'Do you really love me' shit again. Goddamnit, Markus! Yes! Do you think I say this just because I like the way the words are pronounced?' he stood up and looked at me, pissed off.

'Jaska, calm the fuck down!' I shouted and stood up also, standing in front of him, looking up into his eyes. He was slightly taller than me, but we both knew who was the stronger one of us.

'YOU are the one who needs to calm down! I am just trying to make you realize how broken we are!'

 

_words expose the secret_

 

Enough, I thought, I firmly grabbed him by his neck so he struggled breathing, he didn't dare to fight back. 'You better be quiet now or I will throw you right out of the window. This is my home, remember? Leave, if you want, you will be the one crawling back to me, searching for forgiveness. One day, Jaska, one day I won't forgive you anymore.' I said, let him go and took a step away from him.

He gasped for air, giving me his well-known hateful look while hissing 'I told you to never do that again and you promised. You fucking promised it. Maybe it is me crawling back to you most of the time, but remember the times you were lost and wanted us back together. You just don't want to show it.'

'Get out.' I commanded, pointing at the door.

'No, not this time.' he whispered, suddenly pushing me even further away from him.

  
_words became a lie_

 

'I thought that I love you, for all this time I felt like I need you. Now I know, I don't need you. I don't need your love, your words, your stupid face or only your presence. I fucking hate you. And every second I see you longer I hate you even more.' he began to sob, once again bursting out in tears.

'Why are you crying?' I asked quietly, stepping closer to him again, stroking my hand through his dark hair.

'I have no idea.' his face seemingly turning into a waterfall. I pulled him closer to me, hugging him tightly.

'Cry your eyes out and then leave, okay?' I whispered into his ear. He only nodded.

  
_I only want you to long for me_

 

His sudden mood change made me feel uncomfortable. He looked into my eyes, putting his hands on my shoulders. I took a step away from him again.

'Don't leave me, please, I beg you.' there was his begging again, but this time I would not be the weak one. I've had enough of him, enough of this terrible relationship and this terrible man.

'After all the times you left me, I should forgive you right away again? Look how ridiculous you are, you look like a clown.' I exclaimed with a strong voice, once again reminding myself I was the older one of us.

'Markus, please, I can not live without you. Please don't listen to what I say in my rage.' again he tried coming closer but I kept the distance.

'Get out.' I commanded, once again pointing at the door.

'I beg you…' he began to cry harder, but that couldn't change my opinion. After all the times he tortured me I had the right to get revenge.

'GET THE FUCK OUT, JASKA!' I shouted, pushed him down on the floor and raised my fist 'Or do I need to help?'

  
_and make you see_

 

I knew I looked terrifying while being angry, but he was clearly overreacting, behaving like a baby. But after a few seconds he finally found himself and quickly escaped before I could escalate even more.

I felt good, finally being the one who did the step. I knew I would not crawl back to him. I was tired of this relationship, tired of our fights and hate for each other. I needed time for myself, pure loneliness.

  
  
_We live somewhere_  
_in between the distance_  
 _where we've been left alone_

After that week, one morning I suddenly had an uncomfortable feeling inside of me. My happy time as an 'once again single' was over.

I still loved him.

For fucks sake, I loved him and I missed him.

He was my everything, how could I hurt him like that? I didn't hear a single thing from him, the other guys felt the same. He was like…dead…since I threw him out of my flat. I began to worry he might have done something stupid, but checking his account on Instagram told me he was still active. Still alive. Still breathing.

 

 _we denied all_  
_of their wise assistance_  
 _searching for a home_

 

Our bandmates wanted to help us, they wanted to bring us together so we could talk about everything, but I still refused. Actually they shouldn't even know about our recent breakup, but I could not help myself from breaking out in tears one day while being at the studio, so they found it out. In the end, I was actually happy with it. I could share my thoughts and worries with people who actually understood me because they knew Jaska just as good as I did.

  
_Bring me down_

 

I sat on the stairs outside of the house my flat was in, catching some fresh air. Being alone the whole day while being used to have your love around you most time makes you feel trapped at some point, so I always ran out and watched people passing by, wondering what they might feel and think of.

As always since "that" happening I felt some tears running down my face while sitting out there. Everything reminded me of him. There was even a man approaching me who looked exactly like him.

 

_Words don't come that easy_

 

'Is that seat still free?' the man asked, I fixed my eyes on the ground and just nodded. He sat down next to me, sighed and joined staring at the cold asphalt.

'How…are you?' he continued hesitating, his beautiful low voice giving me goosebumps. Gosh, I missed it so much.

'Not very well but I can handle with it, how about you?' I mumbled, he nodded and answered 'I feel similar. Can I ask you something?'

'Of course.' I answered cold, raising my gaze to look at him. He looked bad. He suffered, just as me.

  
_words expose the secret_

 

'How do I tell someone I just broke up with that I still love him?' a short and quick pain went through my body when he said that 'I miss him so much, how could I ever behave so stupid? I was the problem in our relationship, for all this time. I never apologized. I wonder if he looks at himself and the scars sometimes and thinks about me.' he explained, fighting with his own tears.

I rolled up my sleeve to give my scar, _his_ scar a look. I felt the tears flooding my eyes again. Yes, this one was a special one. It reminded me of one of our good times, back when we didn't think about fighting and shouting and insults yet.

'Not all of them happened through our bad times, to be honest. There's one on his arm, always reminding me of a very passionate time we had, at the beginning of our first relationship.' he sighed, now looking into my eyes.

  
_words became a lie_

 

'I am sure he still loves you too.' I said, feeling his hand softly grabbing mine.

'What makes you believe that?'

'I just know it.' I whispered, closed our anyway short distance and kissed him on the lips.

  
_I only want you to long for me_

 

'I love you, Jaska.' I sobbed when we parted, still crying without an actual real reason. He softly wiped over my cheeks with his hands.

'Do you forgive me?' he asked.

I did not answer, instead I pressed my lips on his again.

  
_and make you see_

 

'Are you ready for another try?' I asked carefully.

'Let's make it our last try.' he smiled and pulled me into a hug.


End file.
